Food Wars: Tentacle Porn Meets Food Network’s CHOPPED

food wars anime review

Before Food Wars, I had never witnessed food good enough to persuade a high priest from abandoning his faith. Before Food Wars, I had never witnessed a honey-lathered orgasm while eating boeuf bourguignon, either.food wars anime review

The Basics

In case you don’t already know, Food Wars is a manga turned anime that follows 14 yo. chef Yukihira Souma as he progresses at the rigorous culinary school, Totsuki Culinary Academy. His dishes are so tasty they inspire refreshing breezes, uncontrollable climaxes, and praise from whomever eats them.

His skill betrays his training level; having been previously instructed by his father at their family diner,  Souma is considered lowly within the prestigious school. Despite the challenge, his ego, skill and creativity lead him through ever challenge – all the way to the school’s Shokugeki, a 1v1 high stakes cook-off between students.

Let me forewarn you: There are a LOT of casual breezes during climatic moments. Cherry blossoms, wind, the whole 9 Japanese yards.

The Review

food wars anime reviewI feel like Food Wars is what every man wants sports to be like in reality, but with food. They want a well-boasted challenge, predictable victory and large, bouncing breasts.  In place of scoring a goal, Yukihiro Soma serves up sizzling delights that give women explicit sexual quivering foodgasms. Obviously.

Watch this show for two reasons: Fan service and cooking tips.

The fan service makes me physically uncomfortable (in a less than ideal way):  tentical porn just isn’t something I like to incorporate with my infrequent viewings of Food Network’s “Chopped”, and orgasms generated by 14 year old boys just shouldn’t be happening. But f*cked up-ness aside, I WILL give the creators credit in that they made an attempt to incorporate female-tailored fan service. That’s as much as I’ll give them.

More importantly, the cooking tips are honestly really good. Did you know that honey helps break down meats more quickly, making it the perfect addition for marinating tougher cuts? Yeah, I didn’t either, and now I’m marinating a chuck roast.

You are NOT going to watch this show for brute, unpredictable competition. Soma wins every time, and it’s not even like he overcomes major challenges as he does it. He just… wins. He waves his incredibly sharp knives around, he flicks his chef’s bandana around, he wins.

Useful Cooking Tips: 10/10

Storyline: 6/10

Fan Service: 4,109 / 10

Honestly, I will never eat dried squid now, that’s a fact. But with season 3 right around the corner, there’s no better reason to check out Food Wars for yourself.


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